These Advice given by My Dad That Helped Me as a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was just just surviving for a year."

One-time reality TV personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of being a father.

However the actual experience soon became "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her chief support in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a talk with his own dad, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward phrases "You are not in a healthy space. You require assistance. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a broader failure to communicate between men, who often absorb harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a show of being weak to request help. I didn't do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a pause - taking a couple of days away, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible choices" when in his youth to alter how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that are harmful," he says. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a family member, your other half or a counsellor how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the things that helped you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Know that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - processing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their issues, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I think my purpose is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."